Brown Holiday Themes 2014 - 2016
The Brown Ajah Gives You the Tingles - Winner of Best Theme
You might not know this, but Brown Ajah Aes Sedai tend to enjoy reading. We often share what we're reading with our fellow Brown Ajah members. We are educated peoples. We have refined tastes. We dance down the literary path together, hand in hand. Together we discover the best books. Together we follow words and pages to grand new adventures of the mind.
This Bel Tine, we invite the rest of you to join us in our grand reading adventures.
Free Verse Winner: Sela Narian
"Spring, My Enemy"
Blossom, you are a terrorist
Sending pollen on the wind like chemical warfare
I SEE YOU, TULIP
I CHOP OFF YOUR HEAD
My head blubbers in misery
Burning tears of stupid Spring and stupid sinuses
and stupid Suz, leaving the house without taking an allergy pill
I cannot breathe
Where is my inhaler???
I HATE YOU, SPRING
YOU BRING DEATH TO US ALL
At least there’s a baseball game.
Limerick Winner: Shaerlyn Storna
There was a young man with great class
who never had rolled in the grass
until a young maid
helped him get laid
by pegging him hard in the butt.
Haiku Winner: Shaerlyn Storna
solid baseball bat
underneath high school bleachers
pounded in the butt
Not all of the Ajah was feeling inspirational. A few chose to brighten the day by being creepy bugs instead.
Theme Not Found
Shirtless Putin - Winner of Best Theme
The Brown Ajah longs for the days when men were men and bare chests were bare chests and no one was afraid to grab a frickin wild goose out of the skies and ride that sucker to St. Petersburg. Riding a woolly mammoth? Child's play. I ride man-eating bears through the river every day of my life, bare-chested, and I've never even caught the sniffles. Once an asteroid was about to hit the earth and I climbed to the top of the Kremlin, jumped on it, and saved the world from destruction. All in a day's work. That's right: Vladimir Putin can do anything, without even putting on a shirt. What's that? You don't like my speedo? I don't like your face, and neither does the KGB, and look at that, your mother just disappeared. So long, suckers. Time to gallop through the mountains of Siberia on top of a giant kitten.
Hawkeye looked up suddenly, "I sense a disturbance in the force." "You're a Jedi now? Awesome!" said Stark, offering up a high five. "No, not that kind of force. The forces of nature." "What, like a tsunami? I don't even think Aquaman is here..." Banner chimed in. "No! Like gravity! Mass, density, and thermodynamics! Basic rules of anatomy!" "You're not making any sense," said Clark "If there was something wrong with those things, we would be contorted into bizarre, unrealistic poses. But we're all pretty normal, just a bit.. super." "No!! It's not here... it's..." Hawkeye paces restlessly, cocking his head this way and that as if honing in on a sound. Suddenly he stops and throws open a door.
The scene before our heroes is truly horrific. Their friends and companions are there, but some terrible force is torturing them. Wonderwoman, Catwoman, Jean Gray, and their female compatriots are all there, and there is only the sound of quiet, pained whimpering. Rather than clothing, each of them is wearing almost nothing, which makes no sense, as these women fight side-by-side with their male companions against the forces of evil. Their spines have been broken in several places. Their breasts and behinds are weirdly inflated and buoyant beyond all reason. Some of them have torture devices strapped to their feet as well. Tall, shoe-like objects with a single long spike at the heel. While the spike might make a good improvised weapon, the male heroes can see what these "shoes" really do is twist their feet, legs, and hips into a painful posture which is totally impractical for any kind of crime fighting.
"My god. You were right, Hawkeye!" Bruce exclaims. "What's happened? Why isn't it affecting us?" Deadpool asks.
"I can answer that." The male superheroes all turn to look at the speaker. Elayne Trakand. "You see, I was working on a device to... ummm.. enhance... well. Nevermind. I was working on an invention just now, and it experienced a spontaneous, forceful ejection of matter from a central point." "You mean it blew up?" asks Banner. "Errm... yes. That." Elayne continues, "It may have a localized effect on certain laws of nature. I'll need to reassemble the device to reverse it, but the pieces I need are in that room." "So we go in and get them out," growls Wolverine. "Will that.. ahh.. will we... That means we'll be affected like them?" asked Cable. "It doesn't matter! If they can survive this twisting of nature, so can we. We have to save them!" yelled Nick Fury.
"Alright," Hawkeye takes the initiative, "Let's go save our friends."